transfiguration ☾♰

April 20, 2013

hey guise :)
its been like 2 month i have posted a entry . here i am back . haish . i feel so depressed . i feel like crying all night long . i just want to like hais . i really regret hating 2013 . i miss the old days where i was in normal tech. really . my life was omg now . so my problems are my insercuity feelings for my looks , hazim busy schedule and smoking .:( haish . .this few days , hazim is like so busy :( haish . sometimes replying my text is rather difficult :/ see the quote ontop , sometimes a simple hi really makes my day and tell me your busy . sometimes , i feel like he dont want to talk to me ;\ haish .now he is skating .yes . until 10++ .he called me up . i acted okay .but im kinda hurt .but haish . i let him skate . haish . i wish things turn back normal soon really :/

and thats not all . i havent tell you . he starts to smoke . wait . infact one i wanted to tell you . it was regarding him coming home late and he apologised to me on facebook . remember ? hhaha . sweet memories . :) he do . yes . i dont complain . but he is having the same thing as me . hole in the heart. just that his is like more worst. and whowants their love ones to be injured? nobody . same here. it concerns me alot :/ and its underage . i didnt want him to get introuble . he stopped for me i guess half a month last year after his dad knew , and then he continued again with this year . :/ somehow i was rather hurt . starting it all over again :/ haish .i felt so useless. and i didnt want to fight . so i kept quiet . :/ haish . he would hid from me and when i found out/ he brave soul tell me , then i will be stunt . and go like "ouh okay " and act normal . haish . #imsotiredof faking smiles and acting im alright . :/ today too . i try to cool down . :'( haish . its been since jan i have been holding? im tired . tonight maybe crying to sleep withthat ? haish . i dk, i also dw :\haish , ialso dw toskip my meals and everything just because of this :/ haish . lets not get into this anymore. i dw to be sad la . haish . cheer up cheryl :) #STAYSTRONG :)

last but not least , my insecurity in my looks . you know hazim cuzen is so perfect and pretty ? like seriously . confirm you girls will all want her looks ! haish . perfect straight hair , brown hair , pretty eyes , eyes that sparklers , that -to-die-for-smile :( hais . what about me? my eyes are like goldfish , i have terrible eyebags that doesnt go away, i might have panda eyes , im soskinny . as of im only born with bones like that , no fats i tell you . no fats ! >.< haish. :/ i dont have the smile that is a die for . :/ so many pretty girls . i feel so owned . they have so many perfect things about them . who wont be jealous ? i mean cmmon , who dont want to look good infront of someone you love ? no one right ?i wish i was hazim defination of pretty :\ haish .

see how much problems i felt this way , i just didnt really wanna tell alot , if not my mood even more down. shall end here cause im skyping with hazim sister .

xoxo
cheryl :)